This Is It
by alannalynn
Summary: Splits off in NM: Jacob didn't make her guess the truth about him. What will happen when an unexpected visitor shows up at her house one day?
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, though I wish I did._

_A/N: I am re-editing the Chapters, and here's the 'newer version' of the Prologue. I just edited some words and added in a line or two here or there, so hopefully it'll flow better than before. No worries, it's still the same. _

_Once again, this is my first fic, so feel free to suggest or compliment or reprimand. ;) I love comments._

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_**Prologue**_

I lay in my bed, crying. The hole ripping me apart inside. My sun is gone. The sun who held me together, who filled the hole for a short time… gone. Why did Sam have to take Jacob away, too? Who was Sam to control Jake that way? We couldn't even be friends… How did it ever come to this? Why must I always be the recipient of these happenings? I must have done _something_ wrong, to deserve this. Did I commit some unspeakable sin when I entered _his_ world? Some sin that you can't back out of, that you can't remove? I belong nowhere. Not in _his_ world, and not with humans, either. My fault. Mea culpa. This is what it comes to. This is it.

--

I remembered falling asleep eventually last night, when the tears were all dried out, clutching at my stomach tightly. The dream had come back; the one in the forest, wandering, never finding what I was after. I saw Jake in my dreams; not _my _Jake, but Sam's Jake. The one who pushed me away, who sent me away from him. This new Jacob, the one who believes in those legends that were all so fake only a short time ago. I pushed the 'why' away for a later time.

I knew I had slept lightly last night, because Charlie's waking in the next room woke me up. I could hear him downstairs now, getting ready for work. He didn't want to disturb me, especially with 'this' happening again.

'This' being losing the only thing that was keeping me sane, and my slump into nonexistence again. Well, that's what he thinks. But, for him, I'll stay normal. For Charlie, I'll do my best to not come to that again. I know how much it hurt him to see me that way. I must stay normal. For Charlie, for Renee, for _him. _I hugged my stomach tighter.

But it's so hard! How easy it would be so slip back into numbness. How easy it would be to become a zombie again! But I couldn't, for them.

I didn't lose my life this time, my reason for existence; only my sun. The tears began to fall again. My sun: Jacob. I will move on. Life will move on. It must; it had to. Release would come some day, eventually. Relief.

--

I heard Charlie leave in his cruiser, and slowly got myself up. Shower, clothes, breakfast. What should I do now? I know I didn't have work until later today, and then school wasn't until tomorrow. Perfect distractions. Distractions… They should help. They _will_ help. Distractions worked for _him._ I decided a walk would help clear my mind.

I walked out the front door, locking it, and headed toward the forest. Thinking didn't seem to help, but I needed to do it eventually. That's the only way to come to terms with all of this, and not be a zombie. Zombies… I remember the last night Jacob and I spent together, with Mike Newton. That was when he stopped talking to me…

The hole started to throb again. I sat in the grass, to better hold myself together.

I pulled out a thought from earlier. Why did Jacob suddenly believe in the legends? How did Sam play a part in all of this? He knew about _them_, the Cullens. It hurt to think that name, but I had to get it out. I had to look at it from all angles. Why did he believe now? That night on the beach, he laughed the legends off, like they were crazy superstitions. What had changed? What changed since that night at the movies?

--

The day went by in a blur. I finished my walk, and came home for lunch, homework, and then headed off to work at the Newtons' store. I kept my spirits up as best I could, and tried to keep my mind from drifting. I don't think I fooled them. I was the worst liar on the planet., and Mike remembered the last time I lost someone I loved. He questioned my well being at one point, but I unskillfully played it off as nothing being wrong. I didn't want to talk about him.

When my shift was over, I hung up my apron, and got in my old truck. Once again, I tried my best to concentrate on the road, on driving, as I headed down the main street in Forks, back to my home.

Home. I knew Charlie would be waiting for me. He was probably sitting in the living room, watching a game, per usual. _My _Charlie, my predictable Charlie, and he knows what happened. He called Billy last night and they had fought about 'this'. I hope he doesn't have a talk with me about 'giving Jacob the wrong idea'. I don't think I could sit through that. He probably knows I couldn't, either.

As I pulled up at my house, I noticed the door was opened. That's not right. Why? Charlie never keeps the front door open. He's the police chief, for Pete's sake!

I parked my truck, and got out, only to hear a scream of terror from inside.

Charlie.


	2. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: No, I am not Stephenie Meyer. All characters belong to her. I'm only borrowing them for a time._

_A/N: Once again, this is a re-edited version of the original Chapter One. I've added in a couple of details, and I hope you enjoy them. ;)_

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I did the only thing I could think to do, and probably the stupidest choice in a situation like this. I ran towards the house.

All those years of Charlie teaching me proper safety. All those years of him telling me not to talk to strangers, to not willingly put myself into danger. All the times he kept his personal life separate from his job, his work. And _I_ stupidly ignored all the warnings going off in my head, and headed _toward _the danger! What was wrong with me?!

I didn't have any second thoughts, and by the time I got to the front door, I realized I should have. I should have gotten in my truck and tried to drive away. I should have left my father there to suffer--_No_. I shouldn't have. I would never leave him. He's been through too much already because of me. What did I have anymore to live for anyways? This was it. This was my end. Laurent told me this. He _told_ me she would come for me!

The time it took to think through all of that was time enough. Time enough for Victoria to turn away from my father's lifeless corpse, towards _me._

"Charlie! No!" I screamed. "Not Charlie!"

_Run. Run now. Go!_

No, no, no. Not now. Why must he warn me _now?_ Why not while I was still outside, still had a chance? I continued to be frozen in place, by terror, acceptance.

_Run Bella run!_

So I listened, turned, and ran. But not fast enough. Never fast enough, not for them, anyways.

"No. You can't run from me, sweet pet. Not now. Not ever," Victoria cooed in to my ear as she grabbed me from behind. She dragged me back into the house, my house… Charlie's house.

"No, no, please no," I begged of her, with tears streaming down my face. Oh, Charlie. She can't be doing this! She pulled away from me, to look, with her bright red eyes and glowing orange hair framing her beautiful face.

"Where is he? I want him to see this," she spoke as she stood, and I felt the familiar pang in my chest telling me he was gone.

_Tell her I'm still here. _

His beautiful, chiming voice was trying the same trick as with Laurent. But I didn't want to listen this time. What more was there to live for in this world? She can just end this for me now…

"He-he's gone. He… He left," I spluttered out the most difficult words I've ever spoken. Words that ripped my hole further. My angel was gone. He couldn't save me now… gone. Gone like Jacob. Gone like Charlie, like me.

_I'm still here. Why did you not listen to me?! WHY?!_

No. He didn't just hear me think that. Hear me? What am I thinking? He was not here. He didn't care. Even if he were here, he still couldn't hear my thoughts! Apparently I was losing it.

"Gone. He left you? He left his pathetic pet of a human? Why?" she demanded.

And so I dredged up the memories of the worst night of my life. The end of my life as a complete human being and told her the truth.

"H-he said he didn't love me anymore. He d-didn't _w_-_want _me." Why lie? It wouldn't make a difference. This would still be my last painful night on Earth. This was it.

She laughed at me. She actually laughed. My tears flowed faster, my heart breaking more than it already was. He left me. She was here now, and he had left me when I needed his protection most. What irony.

"What a splendid circumstance. Why kill you now? I've decided I like having you around, to counter his wants, his _needs_," she reeled in laughter, enjoying this game.

"What do- what do you--"

I didn't have time to finish my sentence, for at that point she slammed me up against the wall. I felt something break accompanied by a loud cracking noise in my head. I wondered if that was what it felt like to have your skull broken. I relished in the pain, still crying, not caring anymore what happened to me. Bring it on.

But what was she talking about? I tried to speak again, but I couldn't get anything out. She'd thought of something. Why was she so proud of herself? What kind of conclusion was _not _killing me, especially when I'd already accepted it? Why was she still hurting me?

She was looking at me with thirst and longing. That was when I realized I was bleeding. I could feel and smell the thick liquid pouring from somewhere behind me. My head? She couldn't still be thirsty, not after Charlie… Charlie. My dad. Oh, no, not my Charlie.

That was when she bit me.

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_A/N: Thank you so much for reading. I saw you who put my story on alert, that makes me smile. :) Please comment if you would like, because comments make me smile as well. Suggestions/Critiques are welcome, too. 3_


	3. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: Not mine. I only wish._

_A/N: And here's the re-edited version of Chapter 2. Enjoy!_

* * *

I woke up in a forest, pain writhing through my entire being, flames scorching my very core. Pain and confusion were clouding my thoughts. How did I get here? Was I not just at my home?

Another wave of pain shot through me. _NO._ This couldn't be happening. I was supposed to be with _him_ this way, not alone. Not an eternity without him. _No._ This wasn't right; this wasn't how it's supposed to be.I was becoming one of _them._

My mind rejected the thought of an eternity alone, sending another shock of pain through me, but this time to my barely beating heart. Was this what Victoria was talking about? Did she realize this would be so much worse than death? For both me _and_ him?

I pondered the thought, but didn't get very far, because the pain became too much, unbearable. My thoughts were drifting… It became too hard to stay on one subject for long. No concentration. Too much pain.

My Charlie… she killed him; Charlie. He was my dad! He took care of me! And she took him away from me?! I swore to myself that I would have revenge. Victoria would pay for what she did to me, for what she did to Charlie. She couldn't get away with this. It wasn't right.

What was I going to do?

--

The flames had come to a climax only a short while ago, with me screaming in agony. And then they had subsided, taking away my heartbeat; only leaving behind the burning itch in my throat. How long had I been in this forest? Two days, maybe three? Three sounded about right. The second most painful experience of my life, because nothing could ever compare to what he did to me, what he was still doing to me, even now.

The familiar pang hit my absent heart, and I clutched at my stomach. What would he think about me now? He didn't want me. He didn't want eternity with me. What would he do with me if I showed up at his doorstep? I decided not to test that theory; I didn't even know where he had gone to after Forks. So where would I go?

My mind worked differently than it did as a human, and so did my eyes, my senses. I could think of so many more things at once, and everything was in such clarity, so much more detailed than it was when I was human. And my nose… I smelled elk. The burning itch in my throat increased, and venom pooled in my mouth. Is this what the thirst they always spoke of felt like?

I needed to hunt.

I followed the scent of the elk to a small stream, sneaking up behind it and staying out of the wind. Instinct. The elk was completely unaware, and I pounced. I was so fast, so strong; the elk never even stood a chance.

--

I had found a herd of deer after the elk, and taken my time, thankful that there were no humans in the area. I don't know what I'd ever do if I harmed a human. Especially without them here to restrain me, like they would have done. I just wouldn't allow it; I hoped I had more restraint than most newborns had. As much restraint as Carlisle. I hoped.

I felt bad, guilty, after hunting. Was that normal? It was essential to survival, and the _others_ did it, but being covered in the blood of animals wasn't exactly the greatest feeling. I should clean up; no need to go wandering around looking like Carrie.

I started running. Running where? Where was I supposed to go? I came to a stop. I couldn't go back to my house, and Jacob wouldn't take too well to me showing up as a 'leech'. I shuddered at the thought, grabbing at my stomach. Jacob couldn't help me. Nobody could help me. I felt more alone than I ever had before. More alone than I did when he left, more alone than when Jake left. What was I to do?

I sat down next to a tree and sobbed quietly to myself.

--

Once I had finally calmed down, I contemplated my choices. I decided on the one place I _could _go to, where nobody else would be. The one place _they _wouldn't be anymore, and to the one place that probably wasn't that great of an idea. _Their _house. I had already started running as soon as my brain decided, and now I slowed my pace as I got to the small clearing out front. I came to a stop staring at the beautiful mansion.

I felt fear. Was that even logical? Why should I fear going into a house I hadn't been to since my eighteenth birthday party? I clutched my stomach automatically. I had to stay somewhere, at least until it was safe to be around humans.

I cautiously made my way up the front steps and approached the door. Glancing through the window to the side, I realized there was nobody there. Thankfully. I stepped into his house. Their house. I missed them… how would I go on for eternity without them? Without anyone?

Everything was the same, just covered in plastic. All furniture was in it's place, everything perfect and just as I had remembered. This was where I had met his family for the first time. They had welcomed me with open arms, and he had played the piano for me. The one that was still sitting in the corner. Forgotten. Like me._  
_

_His fingers flowed swiftly across the ivory, and the room was filled with a composition socomplex, so luxuriant, it was impossible to believe only one set of hands played. I felt my chin drop, my mouth open in astonishment, and heard low chuckles behind me at my reaction._

_Edward looked at me casually, the music still surging around us without a break, and winked. "Do you like it?"_

_"You wrote this?" I gasped, understanding._

_He nodded. "It's Esme's favorite."_

_I closed my eyes, shaking my head._

_"What's wrong?"_

_"I'm feeling extremely insignificant."_

_The music slowed, transforming into something softer, and to my surprise I detected the melody of his lullaby weaving through the profusion of notes._

_"You inspired this one," he said softly. The music grew unbearably sweet._

_I couldn't speak._

The memory had hit me so hard, so unexpectedly. I didn't know what to do. I backed into the wall, and fell to the floor, tearless sobs racking through my body. This wasn't a good idea.

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_A/N: Comments/Suggestions are much appreciated, if you have the time. Thanks for reading!_


	4. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. I think Stephenie Meyer does, sadly. sigh_

_A/N: OME! Longest chapter as of yet! Yes! That's totally an accomplishment for me, hitting almost 1390 words! lol.  
_

_I would like to thank my amazing beta iDazzle, aka Yeshi. She's doing a wonderful job of keeping me in check, and telling me when I should or shouldn't do something, and giving words of encouragement. Also, AliceCullen08, aka Lauren, who is another who helped me out in the beginning. And let's just throw in the rest of my SCKATHERS, for good measure, cause they're amazing. :) SL_

_The previous THREE chapters have been re-edited, and some stuff added in, and words to make it flow better, thanks to a couple of comments from onedimplesmilelizzie. Thank you so much for your encouraging comments! And on that note: ENJOY!  
_

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Living in the Cullen house was difficult, but after a while my mind got used to the constant pain of reminder that everything brought. It all was just so familiar to me, and I accepted the memories that came with that familiarity. I continued to hunt regularly and keep my presence unknown to the town of Forks. The news programs kept me informed as to where the town was searching for my lost body, and I was careful to avoid those spots, and anywhere there would be humans, just in case. I even occasionally avoided hunting, if I thought I would accidentally run into someone.

The news programs also told me when Charlie's funeral was. It happened about five days into my stay at the house, and I had to convince myself I couldn't handle it. I had to tell myself that these were people I _knew_. They were friends, and people close enough to almost be family. I couldn't show up and end up accidentally drinking someone's blood just because they smelled good! 'But it was my father's funeral!' the other half of my brain argued. The latter side lost that battle, thankfully.

--

I had been in their house for seven days and been avoiding a certain section of said home, fearful of the pain it would bring back. My much abused brain finally decided it was time to visit the room, _his _room. My feet dragged their way up the stairs to the third floor, daring me to go any faster. I approached his room as I had approached the house a week earlier: cautiously.

_"My room," he informed me, opening it and pulling me through._

_His room faced south, with a wall-sized window like the great room below. The whole back side of the house must be glass. His view looked down on the winding Sol Duc River, across the untouched forest to the Olympic Mountain range. The mountains were much closer than I would have believed._

_The western wall was completely covered with shelf after shelf of CDs. His room was better stocked than a music store. In the corner was a sophisticated-looking sound system, the kind I was afraid to touch because I'd be sure to break something. There was no bed, only a wide and inviting black leather sofa. The floor was covered with a thick golden carpet, and the walls were hung with heavy fabric in a slightly darker shade._

Everything was still in it's place, furniture wise, but now there were empty holes on the shelves where his humongous CD collection used to be, and his stereo system gone. The only thing _him _in his room was his scent, months old, but still there. It lingered around the room, consuming me and pulling me towards the large black leather sofa.

_I didn't see him leap at me — it was much too fast. I only found myself suddenly airborne, and then we crashed onto the sofa, knocking it into the wall. All the while, his arms formed an iron cage of protection around me — I was barely jostled. But I still was gasping as I tried to right myself._

_He wasn't having that. He curled me into a ball against his chest, holding me more securely than iron chains. I glared at him in alarm, but he seemed well in control, his jaw relaxed as he grinned, his eyes bright only with humor._

_"You were saying?" he growled playfully._

_"That you are a very, very terrifying monster," I said, my sarcasm marred a bit by my breathless voice._

_"Much better," he approved._

I curled up on his sofa and stayed there, comforted by his scent. I clutched at my stomach, glad that I had these memories and his scent to remind me that there actually _was _a boy named Edward Cullen. That there actually _was _a family of vampires that used to live here; I could smell their scents, all through the large house. It was a comfort to know that I wasn't fully alone, even though I knew that in reality I was. My mind rejected all of this, but I had my memories. I could live in those, gladly, for the rest of my existence if I cared to.

--

I had been staying in the Cullen house for over a month now, growing more and more bored with this life by the hour. I would find myself suddenly lost in my memories and realize a full day had passed in my absence. The days went by, with not a soul to talk to, only my memories to keep me company, and my mind slowly becoming immune and eventually numb to all things related to the lost love of my life and his family. It wasn't a good way to live. Though, I found that when I pulled out a memory of him, I could live a little in those, if not submerge myself completely in them.

I was out hunting again, like I did everyday, not caring to build up endurance quite yet, when I ended up in the meadow. _Our_ meadow. Some of the magic had been lost since the last time I was there because of the return of a certain vampire, but it was still the most beautiful place I'd ever encountered. My previous visit had been interrupted by the nomad Laurent, and I had almost been killed. The pack of wolves had come to my rescue that time, though they probably lost their life by going after him. Now, I kind of wished I _had_ been killed by Laurent, than be turned by the vicious vampire Victoria.

But the magic _was_ still there. _His_ scent was there, like it was only a day old. Obviously I'd been living too much in my memories, because my mind was conjuring up his scent so fresh. I shook my head to disperse the scent, but it still lingered, as before.

I spent my whole day in the bright meadow, pretending to dream of the fantasy boy that was here no more. Just because he didn't want me anymore, didn't mean I couldn't think about our time together when he did. I thought about the first time I saw him in the lunch room, my first fearful meeting in Biology class, and our time spent in the sacred meadow.

_He raised his free hand and placed it gently on the side of my neck. I sat very still, the chill of his touch a natural warning — a warning telling me to be terrified. But there was no feeling of fear in me. There were, however, other feelings…_

_"You see," he said. "Perfectly fine."_

_My blood was racing, and I wished I could slow it, sensing that this must make everything so much more difficult — the thudding of my pulse in my veins. Surely he could hear it._

_"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," he murmured. He gently freed his other hand. My hands fell limply into my lap. Softly he brushed my cheek, then held my face between his marble hands._

_"Be very still," he whispered, as if I wasn't already frozen._

_Slowly, never moving his eyes from mine, he leaned toward me. Then abruptly, but very gently, he rested his cold cheek against the hollow at the base of my throat. I was quite unable to move, even if I'd wanted to. I listened to the sound of his even breathing, watching the sun and wind play in his bronze hair, more human than any other part of him._

_With deliberate slowness, his hands slid down the sides of my neck. I shivered, and I heard him catch his breath. But his hands didn't pause as they softly moved to my shoulders, and then stopped._

_His face drifted to the side, his nose skimming across my collarbone. He came to rest with the side of his face pressed tenderly against my chest._

_Listening to my heart._

--

I returned to the house later that night, only to be hit by his unexpected scent again the moment I entered the house. Why was my mind still making me hallucinate his scent? I seriously must be the first crazy vampire.

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_Please leave a comment for my sanity's sake. You have no idea how good it makes me feel when I see comments. Thanks!_


	5. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I am not SM. Although... nvm... I'll never be her, as much as I may wish to be. sigh I'd love to own Edward Cullen.  
_

_A/N: So so so sorry it took so long to update. Um, shall I list excuses? I will. Um, first there was writers block, and driving class, then laziness, then school started and my schedule goes as follows: (AP Statistics, APUSH, Chamber Choir, Chemistry, French 3, AP English, AP World), and THEN I was grounded from Sunday to Thursday of this past week in which I actually had TIME to write this chapter, and THEN my Beta wasn't online (also because of school). So, I sincerely apologize for the slow update._

_This is my longest chapter, again, and they SHOULD get longer, hopefully, maybe, idk. Do y'all want longer chapters?  
Also: No, Alice does not know that Bella's dead/a vampire.  
That was a long authors note, sorry. haha. Enjoy! Comment, if you please!_

* * *

EPOV:  
I felt my phone vibrate for the fiftieth time this hour, and ignored it again, knowing it was Alice. She'd been calling me nonstop ever since I'd started debating a return to see my sweet Bella. It'd been five month, and my dead heart had broken the moment I had left her. I was past trying to get through one day at a time, much less an hour. I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. I was holed up in an attic somewhere in Texas, with no remembrance of how I had gotten there.

My phone started to vibrate again, fifty one. My hand unwillingly reached out and answered it.

"Don't go," Alice's voice spoke to me through the speaker on my phone.

"I wasn't thinking on it."

"Edward, I saw you returning to Forks--"

"Stop looking into my future Alice! And don't look into her's either!"

"I didn't. I won't. Just don't go. You've worked so hard to stay away, I wouldn't want you to destroy that now. You have no idea what her life could be like; she could be happily involved with someone, for all we know."

"I know…"

"And Edward…"

"Yes Alice?" This conversation had been going on too long. Just give her what she wants and be done with it.

"Where are you right now?"

"In my car."

"Edward! Wait--" _click._

While she had been talking, it hadn't taken long to realize that what I needed was Bella; so I had gotten in my Volvo and started driving, no plans on what to do once I finally got to Forks.

That day in the forest had been the hardest day of my life. Trying to convince the one I love that I didn't love her anymore. What a monster I am! I could have saved myself the pain of leaving her by just staying! _Why?_ What must _she _be going through? I hoped she had found someone, I hoped she had moved on. No, I didn't. I wanted to go back to her and her to greet me with open arms. I wanted her to forgive me, and tell me she never thought I didn't love her. Oh, what an idiot I am for ever leaving her!

I gripped my stomach as the memory swept over me, as it did so often now.

_"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I spoke slowly, though all I wanted to do was go to her and sweep her away from this terrible place of danger._

_There was a pause as the words situated in her mind, her trying to understand what I was saying._

_"You… don't… want me?" Oh, no. She sounded so confused. What have I done? She believed me! No. No, no, no. This couldn't be happening. My heart broke with the next word that came out of my mouth._

_"No." What have I done? I kept repeating to myself: It's for her safety, it's for her safety. It didn't help._

That little chant still didn't help when it popped into my mind. 'For her safety?!' What was I thinking? I should never have left her, no matter how safe she could ever be without me there. I'm too selfish. It's impossible to live without my Bella, and I could only hope it was the same for her.

The moment we had left Forks, I left my family. They didn't understand what I was going through. Jasper did, though, and I'm sure I drove him half crazy those few days with my family, but leaving was my only choice. I didn't want to be around people anymore, especially living in a house full of couples and mates. It was torture. I quit my piano, I quit my life, I quit my Bella. Esme was constantly worried, as were the others; I could always hear it in their thoughts. So I left to find my fake distractions.

I tried to find my own distractions, but they never worked. My mind constantly thought of Bella, no matter what I did to close it up. My body constantly ached to be close to her, and I could feel the hole in the pit of my stomach she took with her when _I_ left. My fault. Mea culpa. This was it. This was what I got when I fell in love and made rash decisions: heartbreak. And it was all my fault. My Bella could never cause another the harm I caused her with a few simple words.

--

I was ten minutes from Bella's house, and started to have second thoughts. What if she had moved on? What if some guy was there, sleeping in her bed with her, instead of me? Would I throw him out and hope she took me back? What if she didn't?

I pulled over to the side of the road and took out my cell phone. I dialed Bella's house.

"Hello?"

"Hello. Is Bella there?"

"Bella… Swan? Who is this?"

"This is Edward Cullen. Is everything okay? Where is Bella?"

"I hate to be the one to tell you this, but…" He paused, like there was something bad coming. I didn't like the sound of this.

"What?!"

"Charlie Swan is dead… and his daughter… she went missing at the same time, about a month ago. They never found her body." My whole world was spiraling out of control. She's dead. No. I couldn't accept that. I refused to accept that. I kept my voice as calm as possible for the next question.

"How…" It didn't come out correctly, and probably didn't sound like a question at all, but it would do, because he understood me.

"I cannot disclose any information other than that there was an animal attack of some kind, inside the home. We've been having bear troubles the past few months--" I hung up the phone. I couldn't take it anymore.

My body shut down, as did my mind. I ignored the ringing of my phone, got out of my car, and ran to _our_ place, praying there was still a trace of her there. Praying she knew I loved her before she died. Praying she had had a happy life before her death. Praying I had the ability to go back in time to reverse the tragic demise of my beloved. But… praying to _who?_ If an angel such as her can be killed, is there really a god? Why was I late?! Why didn't I come a month ago? I could have _saved her!_ I could have protected my Bella!

I entered the meadow at a slow pace, glancing up at the sun. It was pale and dull, the colors gone. I remember it being so vibrant when I was here with her. Everything was better with Bella around. I curled up into a ball in the middle of the meadow, hoping for relief from this life. It wasn't life without Bella. It took one phone call for my already incomplete world to split into tiny splinters.

--

I left for my house a couple of hours later, to grab a change of clothes before I left again. The second I entered the house I smelled her. But, it wasn't _her._ It was as if my mind was playing tricks on me, and telling me I was even more crazy than I thought. Obviously, my mind was defected, if it couldn't conjure up her real scent, and had to give me a incomplete version. I was wasted, imagining what I couldn't have any more.

Her scent was _everywhere_. It was following me, all the way up the stairs to my room, I didn't even pay attention to the uncovered furniture or the clean floor; all I was interested in was her scent. The scent that would probably haunt me to my grave, the scent that felt like guilt. It was pulling me to my bedroom, where I changed my clothes. I realized had to get out of here before my mind totally crashed. The weird scent that wasn't her was overwhelming! I left the house and ran back to my car, about ten miles away, hopping into the front seat.

The decision had already been made in my mind, as proved by the hundreds of new missed calls on my cell phone, from my whole family. I was going to Volterra.


	6. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: Not mine; though I wish. sigh_

_A/N: Okay, so.. um.. Sorry guys? I've been SO busy lately: from school work, to volunteer work for NHS, to homecoming week. It's just been nuts. But, I'm back, and I've probably been writing this same chapter for about two to three weeks during the little spare time I have. I hope you enjoy it! Be sure to comment! Thanks for reading!_

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**Chapter 5**

BPOV

I'd only been home for five hours and yet still his scent lingered. It was strongest in his bedroom, but I supposed it was only because that was where my memories were strongest. The truth was: it was driving me insane. I was having trouble getting through the hour, much less through a minute sitting there with him all around me. I had already tried not breathing, but it was uncomfortable and I crazed mind actually kind of enjoyed imagining he had been there, or still was. I was conflicted: on one side going insane and rejecting it, and on the other _wanting _to be crazy.

My fantasies weren't good for me and I knew it, but it couldn't hurt to fantasize a little, could it? Well, it did. It hurt, a lot. The pain of imagining he was still here, versus the knowledge of _knowing_ he wasn't was absolutely unbearable. On a whim, I decided I had to get out of here; to get out of Forks. As long as I was still surrounded by this town and this house, I was still suspect of giving in to the fantasy world of mine and completely losing it. I needed to forget him, I needed to leave it all behind, and begin my life of eternity alone. I had to begin sane, or else suffer later. I had to start over.

I packed what I could find of mine, which wasn't much. I was grateful that Alice had left some clothes of mine in her closet. She must've forgotten to give them to me before they left. It was enough to fill a backpack, plus some, but I left what wouldn't fit. As I headed down the stairs to the front door, I got the vague feeling that something wasn't right, like I shouldn't be leaving so soon. As usual, I didn't listen.

I began heading north, through the forests. I had no idea where I was going, but hoped my instincts would lead me somewhere that I could begin anew. Somewhere I could forget my life as Bella, and be someone else. Somewhere that I could gain control, and then maybe in a few years get a job or go back to school. I could live like the Cullens and be a part of normal human society. Their name still made me flinch.

That was when I smelled one: a human. He was about two miles north, probably hunting, and his smell was so delectable, so mouthwateringly luscious, that I had no choice but to head in his direction. My instincts were carrying me, even with the small .05 of my brain shouting at me 'No! Don't do it!' I had no choice, no control, no one there to stop me.

I was getting closer. One and a half miles, one mile, half a mile to go. The closer I became, the shorter was his lifespan. His end would be painless, with his sweet blood dripping down the back of my throat, giving the inner demon what it wanted. Only ten yards left.

EPOV

Not again. When the hell would she give up and leave me alone?! I only had another hour until I would be in Italy, so she could at least spare me the pain of having to listen to her incessant begging of me not to do this, not to ask the Volturi for the end I so rightfully needed. I answered anyways.

"Wha-" I wasn't able to finish my demand, because she immediately cut me off.

"Edward, wait! Don't do it! You must listen to me. She's alive. Bella is alive! Please don't do this! I just had a vision, Edward, she's alive!" What? No. It couldn't be true. Alice was surely lying to me. As my sister, and my closest one at that, she would try anything to make me stop. She was lying. But to use _my Bella_ as a bargaining chip? That was beyond wrong. It was torture.

"Alice, don't lie to me. I know what you're thinking. You want to stop me, and _then_ tell me it was all a lie! I know what you're doing. You cannot play with my feelings like that Alice! You can't lie about _her_, _MY_ _Bella_, and think everything's going to be okay! It doesn't work that way! "

"No. Edward. Please, listen to me. It's truth. She's a vampire, Edward--" She had tried a softer approach.

"NO Alice! You know I never wanted that for her. You would try anything to get me to come home! I don't want to hear it--" Her next try was desperate, her voice cracking in the strain to try and get me to come home.

"E-Edward… please, listen. She's in Forks. She's about to attack a human. This could _ruin _her! We're going to head her off now. Me, Jazz, and Emmett. You must know the truth. Do you need to hear it from Carlisle? I'll let--" _Click_. I definitely didn't need to talk to Carlisle. He had too much control over me, he had always known me better than anyone else. Talking to him would be my undoing.

I continued making my way to Volterra, taking the car at a slower pace, thinking through what Alice had just told me.

BPOV

I was just about to come out of the trees, getting closer and closer to my prey. I could see him through the trees, about to turn around to face in my direction. The smell of his blood was unbelievable, and I could already almost taste it from where I was.

Out of nowhere, something hit me from the side, knocking me to the ground. I struggled, but it was no use, for whatever it was had me pinned down, holding both my wrists and my ankles.

"Gah, she's strong! Edward really knows how to pick 'em!" A voice I hadn't heard in almost forever rang in my ears. Emmett was holding my feet, trying to keep me down and away from the human. I continued to struggle.

"Bella, please calm down. Just stop breathing, it'll go away," Jasper said from my right wrist, with Alice beside him. I could feel the faux calm spread through me, unable to fight against it.

"Bella…please" Alice was pleading with me now; she must have seen something happen. I stopped my breathing, and immediately my mind started to clear. I really didn't want to hurt anyone, but the smell!

The blood so magnificent compared to the dull flavour of animal blood was still fresh in my memory, and a growl escaped my throat against my will, trying to tell them the human was mine. They had picked me up and were carrying me away from the human, to where I wasn't downwind from it anymore. Were they taking me to _him_? _Why_? Why could they not just leave me alone? I continued to struggle against their hold, but they weren't having any of that. Alice continued to try and reason with me, to comfort me.

"Bella, don't worry. Everything's going to be okay." No, it wasn't. I didn't want to see him again! This was supposed to be a fresh start!

_Flash. Edward was standing in front of me, glorious in all his beauty. I ran to him and threw my arms around his neck. He pushed me away…_

No. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let him reject me again. With all my strength, I pulled myself away from my family, and stood opposite them, with surprise painting all their faces.

"I don't want to go back! This is MY life! _Let me live it_!"

"Bella… I know what you are feeling right now. Please, just come with us. We can help--" Jasper tried, with love and worry radiating off of him.

"NO! I don't want your help. And I definitely don't need you to take me to _HIM_!" I began to run, away from them, away from the delicious human that wasn't so important to me anymore.

I could hear them following behind me, but I was faster, and outran them in no time. Once I felt it was safe, I sunk down by a tree and sobbed. They had came for me! They had stopped me from hurting an innocent human! _WHY _did I leave them like that?! It had felt right at the time, but now I was here, alone again. Why must I always push people away? I remembered the hurt look on all their faces. I thought about the day Edward left because of me. And Charlie… Why must I always let people get hurt?

The real question was: _Could_ they help me? But what about Edward?

_Flash. I was standing in front of Edward outside somewhere. He just looked at me with pain is his eyes. He had just said something, but I didn't hear what it was. He opened his mouth to speak again._

"_Why did you have to love ME?"_

Shock coursed through my body, from having a vision. That's when I realized I had had one earlier, as well, with the others. And their emotions… I had felt that too…

At least now I had my answer about Edward.

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_Oh, and I'd really appreciate any suggestions. I know what I'm doing in the future, but don't know about RIGHT NOW. Gao. SL! 3_


	7. Chapter 6

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. But... no. I don't. Sorry. :)_**

_A/N: So... Um, yeah. I apologize? haha. Well, time for me to write up excuses again, because it's fun like that. School school and more school. Well, actually I had this chapter done last weekend, and I was going to post it, but my beta didn't get back to me until today, so that's why it's so dern late. :) _

_Just a little note: Bella may seem a little bit OOC, but remember that she's basically lost it, so bear with me 'til I can get her back to Bella Swan from Twilight. :) Hope you enjoy the chapter!! SL3_

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_"I'm a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar" -Wash, Serenity_

I had been heading north for a couple of days now, and trying to figure out how to set these new powers off. Obviously, I couldn't feel anyone's emotions if I wasn't around anybody, but the visions were something I could experiment with. The problem was: I didn't know how to. Didn't these powers come with an instruction book or something? After the first day I gave up on trying to push the visions and settled on more definite subjects, things that actually needed contemplation. Like, why _they _still weren't following me, or _why _I had run away, or even better yet: where I was going now and what I was doing with my life. I also contemplated what those visions had meant, and why I had seen them when I did. Did that mean something in and of itself? To all of these questions I had no answers.

Hunting was my daily companion, keeping me on track. I hunted as often as possible, trying to forget about my incident with the human a few days before. The thought of me actually killing a human haunted my spare thoughts, and I tried my best to block the images that would creep up. Images of the human laying dead on the ground, emptied of all blood, lifeless, because of me. Images of Alice, Jasper, and Emmett arriving too late, to find me curled up on myself devastated of what had just transpired. I was grateful they had come and stopped me, but what would happen next time I was in a situation such as that? Would I have the strength to stop myself? Hunting animals kept me sane.

I was just coming into a clearing when I caught the scent of another vampire in the area, one I hadn't come in contact with before. He was slightly to my north, and I realized that he had been there for a time, though I hadn't been paying attention. I could feel curiosity coming off him in waves. As I approached the middle of the clearing I stopped, and glanced in his direction to let him know I knew he was there. As I did this, he stepped out of the forest and towards me, closer than I would have liked. I had no interest in making vampire friends, especially when I was currently trying to escape the notice of _one _coven.

"Hello. I have not seen you around here before. What is your name?" He was tall with dark brown hair, and eyes the color of topaz. _Crap. Not another one._

"…Isabella. Um-- Swan. I was just passing through." I could feel his interest peak. Why did I say my name? Why could I not lie and make up a name on the spot? Curse my bad lying!

"Welcome to Alaska, Isabella Swan. I am Eleazar. Where are you headed?" Alaska? Now why did that sound familiar? He had taken another step closer, as if he were closing in on me. The curiosity was now tinged with intrigue. Frightened, I took another step back.

"I-- I don't know. North. Just north." I couldn't stand this; but he would just chase after me if I ran off. Wouldn't he?

"Ah, north. I encounter many stray vampires heading north. Why don't you come join my family and I at our home for a rest. I know you must have been traveling for a while now; your clothes certainly say so. Where do you come from?" He seemed friendly enough, and was even making an active effort to put kindness into his voice, but so had Victoria when she wasn't trying to destroy all reason for living.

That's when it clicked: Alaska. Edward had mentioned a clan of vampires in Denali before. No, this couldn't be them. Weren't they all women? Eleazar certainly couldn't be one of them. I decided to answer cautiously and find a way to get away as soon as possible.

"Arizona. I'm from Arizona." It only worked because it wasn't a lie. I _was _from Arizona, just not directly.

"Ah, okay. And how old might you be?" I knew he wasn't talking about my age. He was asking my _age._

"About a month, I guess." I could suddenly feel alarm coming from him. That must have been a surprise, but why? I needed to get out of here. Now.

"Y--" He began.

"Listen. I really shouldn't be here. I need to go." I cut him off, turned around, and ran. I could hear him calling after me. I would go east until he wasn't following anymore, and decide from there where to go next.

EPOV

After I had hung up on Alice, my mind started to digest what she had said to me. It was about 30 minutes before I suddenly realized I had turned around and was heading back towards the airport, away from Volterra. Alice wouldn't have fabricated such a lie as Bella about to bite a human, would she? It was too carefully set. Too realistic, too true. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Alice's number.

"Edward. Glad you changed your mind; they would have turned you down anyways. Listen, we stopped her, but she got away. I--" Of course she already knew that it was me that called.

"Is she really alive, Alice?" I just needed to know the truth.

"Yes. She is, Edward. I don't know how, but she is. We're in Forks, come meet us. We need to find her again." My angel is safe. I thanked God, if there was one, that she was alive. My angel was alive.

"I'm on my way. And Alice…"

"Yes Edward?"

"Thank you."

"I love her too, you know."

"I know." _Click._

--

We were all sitting in the living room, waiting for Carlisle and Esme to come in. I was anxious to hear the whole story, and they were all ready to relate it. Jasper and Alice had already shown bits and pieces to me in their thoughts, though they hadn't realized it yet. Jasper kept shooting me looks and telling me my emotions were haywire, Alice consistently tried to calm me down with kind words, Rosalie glared as per her usual, and Emmett occasionally tried to tell a joke.

Carlisle and Esme walked in just when I was about to completely freak out, and they both came and greeted me affectionately, calming me down like none of the others ever could, and dispelling the tensions in the room.

_I'm so glad you came, son. We missed you._

_Edward, never do that to me again. You'll end up giving me gray hairs! I love you. Thank you for returning to your family._

"Can we get started now, please? So what exactly happened?"

I was suddenly swarmed with images. Them finding Bella, holding her down, her breaking away, and then running off into the forest. That was all I needed to see; she was definitely alive. I sat down on the couch as what they were thinking to me overwhelmed all else.

_Edward, the emotions coming from her… they were so erratic. I'm worried about her. I'm worried she's lost it. _I don't think I was meant to hear that last part.

_She was so strong! Maybe I should…._ Consistent Emmett, always thinking about strength.

_Why should it matter anymore? We'll probably never find her anyways. And she already thinks he doesn't love her. How will he turn THAT thought around? She's so stubborn…_

_Poor Edward…_

_Poor Bella…_

_She looked so sad, Edward, like she'd lost everything. _That last thought came from Alice.

"Alice, she has. Me, Charlie… What have I done to her? HOW could I do that to her?"

"You are such an idiot Edward."

"Rose, now is not the time for that." _Edward, I'm sorry._ Carlisle, always the mediator.

The phone suddenly rang, and I lurched towards it, hoping for the hopeless.

"Hello? Bella?"

"Oh, Edward. This is Eleazar. Can I speak with Carlisle?" Of course it wasn't her. I handed the phone over to Carlisle.

"Hello Eleazar. What can I do for you?"

"Carlisle, I ran into Bella today, out in the forest." As I heard those words, I leapt up from the seat I had just attained, and started for the door. But Carlisle's thoughts stopped me.

_Edward, wait. Wait until we have more information. You might scare her off. Just wait. Jasper says she's unstable._

"You did? How was she? Do you still have her?"

"She was a mess. I don't know what all she's been through, but she was scared of me. I tried to invite her to the house, but she ran off, heading east."

"Thank you Eleazar. We'll be on our way shortly."

"It's no problem. Just be careful of her. I know you told me to be on the lookout, but she was seriously frightened. I've never gotten that reaction to myself before."

"Okay, we will. Bye Eleazar." _Click._

"Carlisle, we need to go NOW. Please. I need to see her."

_Patience._

"We will be leaving soon. You heard what Eleazar said; she is not herself at the moment. You do not know how she will respond to you if she sees you."

"But Carlisle-- She's hurting! I need to go to her!" He turned away from me towards the others.

"Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rose, I want you to go ahead, and start searching for her scent in Alaska. We will follow after shortly."

Here he was, giving off orders to the others, and my Bella was out there hurting. Why must I wait? Why did it matter that I went or not? I needed to see her! I needed to touch her. To be able to tell myself that this is real, and not some mind fabrication. I needed proof, and she was the proof I needed.

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_I am in a gigantic slump right now, and comments make me super happy if you'd like to aid in the "Alanna Recuperation Fund." Just push the little button on the bottom left, post a comment, and a small percentage will go to building my spirits back up. Thanks for reading guys! You know I love y'all! 3SL_


	8. Chapter 7

**_Disclaimer: I am not SMeyer, unfortunately._**

_A/N: I'm gonna save the excuses, because they're basically a repeat from the previous chapters' Author Notes, so I wont waste the words. I am sorry that it took so long. Lot's been going on. (Oh look, I still made an excuse.) So, thanks to everyone that kept telling me to finish this and that it was worth it. Plus, I really want to finish this for the sake of competing it. This chapter is from 1800 to 2K words, I'm not sure, because the word count on my word program and on here is different for some reason. I don't know. Anyways, I encourage you to read and review, and thanks for sticking with me! Thank you Melissa aka boater4ever for betaing this chapter. Merci!  
_

_...And since this is my Author's Note, I want to 'whore' my first one shot, which is on my page, titled "It's Been a Long Time."_

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Chapter 7

EPOV

I watched as Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rose began packing and getting ready to leave to search after my Bella. I watched as they all got into Emmett's jeep and drove away, the spotlights shining. The drive to Alaska would take two days at most with the speed they were going from our home in Illinois. Hopefully my Bella wouldn't stray far; hopefully they would find her; hopefully they would bring her back to me. Most of all: hopefully she would forgive me for all the sins I had committed against her.

"Edward? Esme and I will be leaving tomorrow morning. Can you stay here without being reckless?" He asked like I was a young child that could never keep out of trouble; how right he would find to be.

"Yes Carlisle."

An hour later I was in my car and on my way to Alaska to find the one person in the world that made everything worth it. Bella had to be found; it was the only way to make everything go back to normal.

Normal. That word held so much meaning to me. It was what life was like before I left the beautiful angel and subjected her to the cruelty of the world, alone. It was the rare sunny days in Forks when Bella and I used to go to the meadow to lay in the sunshine. Normal was my family in full support of everything I was committed to, including the human girl I fell in love with. It was for the most part stress free and peaceful, with no worries because I knew my love was with me and I was with her. Normal was what I longed for. Normal was what I needed to find. Bella was my gateway to normalcy again even though she was not normal because of the life she had been forced into. She was a vampire now, like me. That was in no way normal. Once again, it was my fault. I should never have left her. Everything would be normal if I had only stayed in Forks where I belonged.

I turned my cell phone off and entered Alaska from the direction Bella had come in from Forks. Once I got out my car and headed into the forest, her scent hit me dead on. I followed it through until I hit a clearing: it must have been where Eleazar had found her. Their house was only a few miles north of the clearing. I used to go the same clearing when I needed to escape Tanya during our visits to the family. It was a peaceful place; Bella would have loved it had she not been running away; my fault again.

From there, I headed in the direction Eleazar had seen her go and followed her. Her scent was _everywhere_, reminding me of my family's house in Forks. It was on the trees and ground, in the air, everywhere. I traveled for hours searching for her, occasionally crossing the scents of my family, who were going in a different direction from me. Bella never paused in her journey, with an evenly spread trail heading straight East.

---

I was getting closer. As I passed by a tree, split in two, with half growing toward the sun in one direction and the other the opposite way, I noticed the scent I had been following for hours was closer than I had thought. It would only be a matter of time before I caught up with her. Only a matter of time before I could sweep her up into my arms and tell her how sorry I was; until I could hold her close and tell her everything would be alright and I would never leave her again.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

She was there. I had reached another clearing, and though I had passed through seven others on the trail to her, this was the one she chose to stop in; it looked just like _our_ clearing. She stood in the center of the clearing, in a small ray of sunlight that lightly touched her face, allowing a faint glitter on her cheek and lips. She was here, alive, but… broken.

Her face told me more than she ever could. If she had the choice, she would have died by now. If she had not become a vampire, she probably would have jumped off a cliff or just neglected to eat anymore, ending in her own demise. Her heart had been broken, her life ruined, and I was the start of it. I was the reason she was in this condition: broken, empty of emotion, lifeless, and fearful. I would make it up to her if it took the rest of my long life. I would fix her again, make her happy again, and give her a life again. I had to; I owed her.

"Bella…"

"E-Edward? Why are you here? Why have you been following me?"

"I'm so sorry Bella."

BPOV

I knew Edward had been following me since he began. I had seen it in a vision: I had no choice; he would catch me no matter how fast I ran or how clever I attempted to be at diverting his attention from my trail. I had no choice but to stop or _be_ stopped. I had to face him, sooner or later. I stopped in the clearing I had seen in my vision: the one that looked like it was from Forks, _the_ clearing, _our_ clearing. Or at least it seemed so. The same trees, grass, even the beams of sunlight appeared to be coming from the same direction as in our meadow. I went to stand in the center of the clearing, where the sunlight was gracing a small area of the ground with its warmth and shine, and I blocked it off. Nothing deserved warmth and happiness when the whole world had been ripped apart at its seams, with nothing able to hold it together. The sun shouldn't even _exist_ in that world of darkness where fathers died and true loves disappeared on a moment's notice.

I turned to find Edward at the edge of the clearing, watching me.

"Bella…" His voice was so much sweeter in real life than in memory or fabrication. It was hard to get words out after he spoke, for fear of ruining the power of his voice on the broken world.

"E-Edward? Why are you here? Why have you been following me?"

"I'm so sorry Bella." That was it. That was all he had to say to me. For all of Charlie, for all that had happened in my life leading to my death, I ran to him and threw myself on him, arms around his neck like in the vision I had had.

"Edward, Charlie. She killed Charlie." Having my arms around him like that just felt so… right, like it was meant to be. I felt his hands on my back, but they weren't there for long.

He pushed me away, looking at me. I gasped lightly, because I knew what must be coming next.

"Who, Bella?"

I just stood there for a moment taking in the situation again. For a split moment I felt sorry for Alice who must live in déjà vu all the time. My mind would never get used to the double time, though this was only my first fulfillment of a vision.

"V-Victoria. Edward--" He shook his head lightly and cut me off.

"Why did you have to love _me?_ Why could you not have found some normal human boy to keep you safe from all this harm? Bella, this is _my fault_. Look at yourself! I never wanted this for you Bella, I never wanted you to become one of us, destined to live eternally like a- a monster. It's wrong, just wrong. I am sorry for that."

I only heard his first words, now spoken in real life, and zoned out from the rest, allowing them to wash over me. My vision was right: he didn't want me. He only came to rub it in my face that he wasn't here anymore. So, I backed away and did the only thing I could do. I dealt.

"If- if you didn't want me in this life of yours, why did you come here today? I don't need you Edward. I don't need you; I don't need your family. I can live perfectly fine on my own, for as long as I may live as a "monster" or whatever you think it is that you are. Maybe I'll just go find _Victoria _and become _her_ friend. Would you like that? Don't follow me Edward, I survived without you and died without you. I'll be fine, seeing as I'm an invincible vampire." The lie felt good heavily doused with sarcasm. Like ketchup, which should always be on the table to cover the nasty food you were made to eat because your mother said so. It made everything feel less nasty in the end.

He was speechless, just staring at me in disbelief. I turned and ran from him, continuing my course East. It wasn't until I realized I was sobbing whilst running that I realized my mistake, an hour too late.

He loved me.

He_ loved_ me. He truly did. I was too distracted to notice the feelings and emotions coming off him in waves: love. He actually was in love with me and I just told him that I could live without him and for him not to follow me. What was my _problem_?

I ran as quickly as I could back to the clearing, entering it from where I had left, to find it empty of… anything. All the beauty was gone, and all was left was heartbreak. I could feel the sadness in the air, not only mine, but _his_, lingering.

I walked over to where he had been standing. There was an indent in the ground and other footsteps.

EPOV

I watched her run away. She didn't need me anymore. So this was what it felt like? Was this what it felt like to have the love of your life tell you she didn't want you anymore and walk away, leaving you in a forest, alone? For the millionth time I felt bad for leaving her in Forks.

I fell to the ground, tying to grasp at something real; for something that could ground my head that was spinning out of control because I could not be with my angel anymore. Nothing could help me; I was lost, confused. Nothing made sense anymore and nothing ever would. I began to sob.

It wasn't long before my family found me in the clearing. They ran up to me, Alice having seen me here in a vision and knowing where to look. Jasper hung back away from me, his attempts at fixing my broken heart fruitless.

I didn't hear their words.

I didn't feel them move me.

I only knew that they took me away; away from where I had last seen Bella. My last memory of her was there. Why would they take me away? What was going on?

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_A/N: For those who don't know French, or have never looked it up, déjà means already, and vu is the past participle of voir, which means to see. So, déjà vu means already seen. ^_^ Comment, thanks!_


	9. Chapter 8

**_Disclaimer: I'm not SMeyer. All characters are her's, never mine._**

_A/N: So... I don't know what to think, really. This isn't my favorite chapter, nor is it the best, though it certainly is the longest yet at almost 2400 words. I'm going to try to wrap this fic up pretty soon, because it just isn't going too well for me anymore, and I feel like it wouldn't really matter if I kept going or not. The last chapter only got 3 reviews, and that's LJ/FFnet combined, so _who's reading_? haha. Anyways, kudos to those of you that do R&R, you have no idea how much that means to me that _someone _is enjoying my fic. Thank you. Also, thank you Mel again for betaing for me, you catch the grammar mistakes that I don't even notice with my keen eye._ TL

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Chapter 8

APOV

"Carlisle, he's been like this for weeks. I'm worried. What if he never comes out of it? I- I don't see anything. I don't see any reprieve to his suffering, not anytime soon."

I was standing in the library of the Denali's home, with Carlisle and Esme on the small couch next to the north wall. They were both worried about Edward's state, but doing their best to cover it up and stay strong. Ever since we had found Edward in the clearing he had been in a kind of comatose state: not moving, hunting, or talking. He wouldn't even breathe. He was broken. Jasper had refused to even enter the house for days now and I didn't have any clue what to do for him.

"Alice… it will all work out, I promise you. Bella will come around. She must know what is going on. Let's just be patient, have faith. Edward will be fine, he's strong."

"I don't like to see him suffer and not be able to do anything about it. He's my brother, I can't let this go on for much longer, Carlisle…" Esme turned her head into my father's shoulder and began to sob. I instantly felt bad for coming in here and bringing the subject up. I went to her and sat down, putting my arms around her, allowing her to let go.

"It won't have to, have faith." The phone rang at his last word.

EPOV

I could feel nothing. I could hear nothing. I was floating in a void of all thought and motion, stewing in my own regret and hatred for what I had done to her. It was entirely my fault, every bit of it. I should never have left her and allowed _any_ of this to happen. I was hurting my family, I knew I was, though I did not know where I was or what was going on. It was wrong to treat them this way and let them suffer with me. Even knowing that information, I could not pull myself out of this trance. My mind kept going back to what had happened with Bella. Not _my_ Bella, but this other Bella. I didn't know her anymore, like I used to. She had changed; I had broken her too far to be able to fix her back the way she used to be. I was the reason she ran away from me in the clearing instead of coming back in to my arms to be comforted.

"_Bella…" Speaking her name felt like everything was okay again. It was nothing like saying her name and her not being there. This was _her_, Bella... my sweet angel._

"_E-Edward? Why are you here? Why have you been following me?" _

"_I'm so sorry Bella." For some reason, those words set her off, and she came running to me, throwing her arms around me. She was letting me comfort her like it should be, like it always should have been. _

"_Edward, Charlie. She killed Charlie." I had my hands tight on her back, but at these words, I started, and pushed her away to look at my beautiful angel's face. Her eyes were pained and her mouth was open like she wanted to say something, like she was anticipating something, but she didn't speak. _

"_Who, Bella?"_

_She paused, not really looking _at _me, but looking _through _me, at something far off in the distance, like Alice would sometimes do._

"_V-Victoria. Edward--" No no no no NO! NOT her again! I shook my head, trying to clear the image of Victoria bursting into Bella's home and murdering her father and harming Bella in ways I never could. As much as I tried, I could not clear the anger building in my chest._

"_Why did you have to love _**me**_? Why could you not have found some normal human boy to keep you safe from all this harm? Bella, this is my fault. Look at yourself! I never wanted this for you Bella, I never wanted you to become one of us, destined to live eternally like a- a monster. It's wrong, just wrong. I am sorry for that." I could see Bella snap back and take a step away at what I had said, surprised at the anger radiating from me. I _was _angry. I didn't want her to have to live like me. I wanted her to have a normal life with me, and for her grow old, happy. But then _Victoria_ came and ruined it all! As if she hadn't suffered enough already._

_It took her a moment, but she spoke._

"_If- if you didn't want me in this life of yours, why did you come here today? I don't need you Edward. I don't need you; I don't need your family. I can live perfectly fine on my own, for as long as I may live as a "_monster_" or whatever you think it is that you are. Maybe I'll just go find _Victoria _and become _her _friend. Would you like that? Don't follow me Edward, I survived without you and died without you. I'll be fine, seeing as I'm an invincible vampire." Monster was right._

_I was speechless. What would _anyone_ say to that? I watched her turn away and run._

I snapped out of the memory, the last moments of my Bella, before she became this thing I had never met before. The bitterly sarcastic Bella that had been pushed too far and didn't love me anymore was foreign... as foreign as was having my heart broken. I had never loved anyone before Bella, never been with anyone before Bella. She was all that I had, all that I could hold on to in this world. My family didn't mean anything when it came to Bella. She was my priority in this life. Correction, she _used_ to be my priority.

I didn't hear the phone ring; I floated.

BPOV

After leaving the clearing for the second time that day, I hung around Alaska, hunting and thinking... mostly thinking. My mind still could not wrap its mind around Edward's love. It couldn't possibly imagine a world where he was in love with the girl named Bella. The whole principle of the matter was just _wrong_, foreign. The way he had left me in the forest in Forks, then allowed me to fall love with another boy, only to be broken by him as well. The way Victoria had returned and killed my father and then changed me into the thing Edward hated most in the world. How I had _seen_ him push me away, how I had_ seen_ him reject me again in a vision, only to have it come true in real life and relive it a second time. The way he had looked at me when he accused me of loving him in the clearing. It was all so _wrong_. It didn't match the emotions I had felt coming from him the whole time, the emotions that negated everything he had done or said to make me believe that he didn't love me. He did. He did love me. But did I still love _him_? _Could_ I still love him, after everything?

I eventually found myself near an abandoned phone booth at the edge of town, and picked up the receiver. I dialed the number that had always been crucial when living with my clumsiness. Carlisle answered like I knew he would.

"Hello?"

"Carlisle." I paused. What was I to say to him?

"Bella?"

"Carlisle, I need help. I don't know what to do anymore." I knew that if I was human, I would be crying by then. My voice was choky, but no tears fell. I missed tears. At least they let me release the pain.

"Do you remember where the clearing was that you met Eleazar in?" I nodded, and then realized he couldn't see me.

"Yes."

"Go there, and head north. You will run into a house; we'll be waiting for you." I nodded again before catching myself.

"Thank you."

"Thank _you, _Bella. I will see you soon."

Finding my way to the clearing was no trouble. I only had to retrace my steps to find it again. Once I reached the first clearing, I stopped. Was this really what I wanted? Did I want to get involved with the Cullens again? What if they didn't like what I was and left me in the forest? What if Edward's feelings were fake, and he was lying about his love? That was irrational and I knew it, but it couldn't keep me from worrying over what may happen when I entered the Denali home.

My mind was spinning as I headed north as Carlisle had instructed me. After a few miles, I reached a house with Carlisle and Esme standing out front, waiting for me. I paused and just looked at them, not knowing exactly what to do in a situation of that kind.

_I am so glad she came. Edward needs her now more than ever._

_She's so scared. Oh, I just want to hold her and make everything better._

Their thoughts startled me for a moment, but I realized it shouldn't, because I had been in contact with Edward, absorbing his power. With little more thought given to the matter, I complied with Esme's wishes and went to her, falling into her arms sobbing. I couldn't stop. I sobbed and sobbed, like I would if Esme was my real mother. Even as they carried me into the house I didn't break from the endless tearless crying. Everything was crashing down on me: Edward, Jacob, Victoria, Charlie... everything that had happened and everything that may happen if I screwed everything up. I didn't want to ever let her go. All my worries were streaming into her, out of me. My mind was clearing, my worries fleeing. Her love for me radiated from her and that was what I needed. I needed to be loved.

A few hours passed with us sitting on the couch, Esme petting my hair and back, trying to calm me as best she could. As my sobbing began to subside, I realized that Carlisle had left and it was only us. The other members of the house were scattered about, some upstairs, others outside. I could hear them, all of them. A house full of vampires, and I could hear them. That was new.

I could also hear someone approaching and I braced myself. Esme felt the shift and soothed me, whispering that it was only Carlisle, which I should have known. I needed to work on my vampire senses a little bit more, obviously.

He walked into the room and sat down on the couch opposite Esme and me, studying my face. That was beginning to get annoying. It was like I was an emo kid ready to slit her wrists any minute, and they were all looking for the sign that I was about to snap. Though, the truth be told, I was ready to run. I was ready to run in case everything got worse than what it already was.

"How are you Bella?" He spoke softly and carefully.

"I'm okay, I guess. Carlisle… What do I do now? Please tell me."

"I cannot answer that Bella, but I do know that it would be best if you stayed with us. I know that you've been through some hard times and we are here to help you through that if you will let us. We can give you a stable family and a life here."

"I- I think I m---" That was when I felt it. I had been scanning the house, of sorts, looking for the one I needed to see, feeling for him, for what I had felt weeks earlier in the clearing. Love. But that's not what I found. It was pain, a lot of pain, sadness, dread, hopelessness, and fear. I followed the feelings, up a flight of stairs, with Esme and Carlisle following quickly after me. I followed the feelings, and now his scent, down the hallway, until I reached a closed door.

"Bella." I turned to look at Carlisle, who had spoken.

"What's wrong with…? Oh." It took me a moment to realize that it was my fault. The love I had felt in the clearing was all gone now and there was only one reason for that: me. I had done this to him. I had broken him, in a similar way as he'd done it to me.

"Yes. Are you sure--"

"Yes. I have to. I think he still loves me."

"He's always loved you Bella." Esme spoke up from beside Carlisle.

"Always?"

"Always, Bella. He left for your safety." That was new to me as well.

"Oh." Was all I could say. I softly opened the door.

* * *

_A/N: One last shot: R&R?_


	10. Chapter 9

**_Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, never was, never will be. Sorry to disappoint, my dearies._**

_A/N: Happy Super Bowl Sunday and Welcome to the final chapter! No, really, this is the final chapter. As much as it'd be nice to write more, I barely had time to finish this so y'all are lucky. haha. Anyways, it seems my run on longer chapters has been fulfilled again, for this chapter was 2,400 something, so I feel like I've made a big accomplishment there. _

_Thank you to the 8 people that reviewed my last chapter; it's better than three! Also, thank you to Melissa for betaing for me one last time, I really appreciate that. And thank you to an anonymous author, because I cannot remember your pen name, and we had the same idea for Bella's power, but you beat me to it in writing. I just wanted to give you credit for that as well._ _I'll have a final A/N at the bottom, so look forward to that, because I know all of you read my Author's Notes, I'm sure! Enjoy the last chapter!_ _Thank you all my readers!_

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Chapter 9 - The Final Chapter

I stepped into the room not knowing what to expect. What I found was more than I could take: Edward was curled up on the corner of the couch near the right wall, just… there. There was no sound of breathing, only of his thoughts, which were a constant mantra of similar things I used to say to myself: _I'm so sorry Bella, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault, it's all my fault. She doesn't love me anymore; I drove her away. I'm so sorry Bella…_

The mixture of his thoughts and emotions and fragile position was overwhelming. I ran to him as fast as I could, pulling him into my arms, resting his head on my shoulder, rocking him back and forth.

"I love you Edward, I love you. I forgive you, please love me back." I repeated this over and over again, but no response. His mind was frozen, locked up.

For hours I sat there, rocking him, holding him, speaking to him, and for hours he supplied no response. Various members of the family entered during that time frame, but they could do nothing to help me either. I just rocked him, like a baby, my darling Edward. And I knew the truth; from the moment I had seen him in this room I had known that I loved him. I loved him so much that I would give my life a thousand times over just to make him happy. He was my world and my universe, my sky. He was everything to me, and anything I wanted him to be. That's why I kept rocking him; I knew I could snap him out of it, with time. He was the one. He was it, my soul mate. No matter the trials in the past or at hand, he would always be the one. The only thing that mattered was that he was a boy and I was a girl and we were together, soul mates. I continued to speak to him.

He stirred.

"Oh, Edward... I love you. Please come back to me, please wake up for me. Edward, I was so wrong to do that to you, please love me back. I need you."

He stirred more.

"Edward. Edward, speak to me. Please, come out of it. I'm here, I love you."

His eyes opened and he lifted his head from my shoulder to study my eyes. The dark black of his were empty and sad, as were his thoughts, though I tried to pay no heed to them. It was only fair that we were on even ground.

"Bella?"

"Yes, I'm here. I love you so much Edward. I'm so sorry. What I said in the clearing… that was foolish. That was stupid. I wasn't thinking correctly, I wasn't _listening_. I thought-- I didn-- I--"

"Shhhh. _I'm_ the sorry one, Isabella. Just, shush. Let me see you." He shifted so that we could look each other square in the eyes, and just sat there. I could feel him calm as he gazed into my eyes. It had been a long time since we'd been this close and not spewing some kind of hatred at each other. It was pleasant, calming, peaceful. The house was empty now and it was only us, together in an endless world of possibilities.

We stayed together all night. Even as the family returned, we stayed in the room, just soaking in each others presence. By morning, I was lying on Edward's chest, curled into him, with his arms around me listening to his breathing and his to mine. It was perfect; everything was perfect. We had decided to wait until morning to bring out all the gross details. Well, we hadn't decided, but he had, though he didn't know I had heard. Everything was so different being able to hear thoughts and feel emotions. His mind was full of nothing but thoughts of me, and his heart full of guilt and love.

Early that morning, there was a knock on the door and Carlisle entered. He spoke softly.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes."

"I wanted to gather the family and talk a bit, if that's okay with you two?"

"Okay." I was barely listening, though I got the gist of his words. I was too wrapped up in the thoughts of my love's mind to hear much of anything else. I now knew why he wished he could hear my thoughts; it was an amazing power to be able to hear everything the love of your life thought of you.

"Okay, come down when you can. We'll be waiting."

"Thank you, Carlisle." He nodded, turned, and left closing the door once again.

An hour later, we were finally able to rouse ourselves from the comfort of the couch in the bedroom we were staying in. We both stood, and he wrapped his arm around my waist, bringing me close to his body.

"Are you ready to go downstairs, dear?" I nodded. We made our way out the door, down the hallway, down the stairs, and to the living room without much trouble. When we arrived, we found the whole family convened there. The whole family; meaning Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Rose, Jasper, and Emmett, of course. The Denalis were nowhere to be seen, or heard. They probably left to give us privacy to "catch up." I dreaded the "catching up" part, but I knew it had to come eventually. Sooner rather than later, I supposed.

"I'm-- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause all of you so much trouble... really." I couldn't think of anything else to say; it was so awkward and it seemed the only reasonable starting point in my mind. Immediately I heard protests in their minds, and I tried to zone them out.

"Bella, you could never be a burden on us. Please, you are family, come sit and speak with us." Carlisle nodded to a couch on one side of the room, near a beautifully arched window looking out into a garden. Edward led me to it and we sat down together, him still being quieter than I remembered.

"So what happened, sis?" Emmett spoke up from beside Rosalie in the chair nearest us.

_He shouldn't rush her, she needs time. She's been through so much…_

"Really, it's okay Esme, I can answer." Everyone just looked at me shocked. The parallel shock in thought and feeling was disconcerting. I shook my head to get rid of all the talking and emotions but it didn't help. Jasper spoke up.

"Bella, she didn't say anything."

"Um… I can hear thoughts. And feel emotions. And see the future. And…. Yeah." My answer was very anticlimactic. Their similar responses told me as much.

"How" was pretty much the universal thought again. I thought of Edward and how he would sometimes laugh at the similarity of everyone's thoughts. I found it amusing too, but this wasn't the time to be debating funnies. I realized how much I missed this family; they were _my _family now, I hoped.

"It's when-- it's when I come in contact with someone with an ability--"

"She's like Peter Petrelli!" Emmett was always the excited one. _Who's Peter Petrelli? _Rose glared at Emmett. I voiced the question for her.

"Who is Peter Petrelli?"

"He's from, um, Heroes. He's like a sponge; he soaks up the other heroes' powers and can use them! It's a really great show, Rose, you would love it! There's this little Asian guy named Hiro and he can travel in time and Jessica slash Nikki slash Tracy is really… oh, sorry." He had been about to say hot, but Rose was still glaring at him. Carlisle seemed to be thinking on different terms than this Peter Petrelli.

"That sounds very plausible. I was thinking more of a shield though, like she is reflecting the powers back. I'm not sure… but a shield would fit in more with Edward not being able to read her thoughts. Bella, can you hear _his _thoughts?" I nodded. "Of course... I'll need to study you more to find out more about this, but one theory is as likely as the next right now."

Edward turned to me and posed the next question. He had been trying to build up the confidence while the others were talking about TV shows. I had a feeling things between us would be awkward for a while.

"What happened after I left?" His question was quiet and hesitant. Everyone quieted down when he spoke. That was the first thing any of them had heard him say since we'd come in the room; it was probably the first thing they had heard in a while.

"It was… hard for a time, I can't deny that. Y--you left me." Edward held me closer to him, like he never wanted to let me go. "But one day it finally dawned on me that I was letting everyone down, that I was letting Char-- that I was letting Charlie down. Um, I got closer to Jacob Black. We were friends when we were younger, and he-- well, I guess he brought me back from my appropriately called "zombie stage". But then one day, he said he couldn't ever see me again; it had something to do with Sam Uley on the reservation. I don't know any of the details. But, it was like you and me all over again… it hurt."

I continued and told them about Victoria and Charlie. They seemed as surprised about Victoria as Edward had been, but I guessed Edward hadn't been very talkative in the past few weeks. Talking about Charlie was the worst part. I had to stop and calm down before I could continue with my life story. I missed him so much. I told myself I would have to visit his grave when I got a chance. He deserved better than what he got. Edward gave a start when I mentioned I had stayed at their house.

"What?"

"I didn't have anywhere else to go, and I had to live somewhere before I moved on. What else was I supposed to do?"

"Bella…"

"What?"

_I smelled _you_. I went to the house and _you _were there. I knew you were there. The scent was off, but it was _you_, my love. _It was a shock having Edward speaking _directly_ to me in his head; I was used to only thoughts, not things specifically for _me_.

"You came back? When? Wait… did you go to the meadow too?"

_Yes._

"You were there?"

"Yes."

"I knew it. I smelled you too. How did we not-- how did we not find each other, or even see each other?"

"I'm so sorry. I could have been there for you Bella." He looked at me with sad eyes, and the rest of the family had about the same look on their faces, on their minds, in their hearts. This was my family, now.

"You're here for me now. You're all here for me now, and that's all that counts."

_I love you._

_I love you too, Edward._

* * *

EPOV

"It's over Victoria. You ruined everything. She was safe and YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!" I was angry. Actually, I was _beyond_ angry, I was irate... she would pay for what she did to my Bella.

Bella was at home in Forks, with the family. After finding her again about a month ago, we had closed all the gaps and moved back to Forks, where we would stay in isolation until Bella could go out in public again. The first thing we did was visit he father's grave.

_Bella slowly approached Charlie's grave and sank to her knees, sobbing. I stood back, giving her privacy, but hating having to. I didn't want her to be upset and not be able to do anything about it. It pained me to watch her heart break over her father's grave. Hadn't she been through enough already? We stayed there for an hour. I couldn't do anything to make her pain go away._

Thinking back to that day pissed me off even more. I would enjoy destroying this woman.

I ran at her, easily overtaking her and throwing her against the wall of the building she was in. I hadn't been able to find her before, but this time I had more incentive. She had a surprised look in her eyes, and her mind told me she had thought I was weaker. I was, but she wouldn't get the chance to take advantage. I grabbed her right arm and swung her around, ripping it off. She screamed in pain, and I went at her again, this time dismembering her other arm.

As I tore the woman to shreds, I only thought of Bella. I thought of what she meant to me and how much I loved her. I thought of all the pain I had caused her and how I would make sure she was never hurt again. I thought of how I would hold her until the end of time, and love her beyond even that.

As the flames rose higher above my head, I knew that we would last forever. She was with me and I was with her and that was all that mattered.

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_A/N: The end? I hope I answered all your questions, and filled in all my little holes and stuff, and I apologize if I missed anything at all. I did want to mention a line from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie from 1992. I couldn't help but think of this line from the movie when I wrote the final Victoria part:__ "We're immortal, Buffy. We can do anything." "Oh yeah? Clap." This only makes sense if you knew the guy only had one arm.  
_

_I am hoping for some final reviews on this chapter, so if you haven't reviewed yet, please make my day and tell me how you liked and/or hated the fic as a whole. I really would like to know, for my sanity's sake. I probably won't be writing many more chapter fics, I rather liked doing a one shot, so you may see a few of those from me in the future if I can think of anything good to write._

_To conclude, thank you so much readers for sticking with me, even through my slow updates. It means a lot that you wouldn't totally forget about me, so I want to give you kudos. R&R and have a great week!  
_


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